Too long too long it has been too long since I came here or even had the urge to. Just read through my drafts from 2014-2015 and boy was I an emotional wreck HAHAHA. 50% an emotional wreck and 51% an entitled piece of shit (not that I'm not one now..).
2017 has been good, very good!!! I must say my exams didn't go as well as I would've liked them to, and if I hadn't gone to Morocco I could've done much better, but honestly honestly #noragrets because I walked out of each hall with my head held high, and I am most likely happier than if I had spent my whole break studying.
I realise I didn't put my 2017 resolutions down here, but since I am an indecisive child with limited self-discipline I've decided to just make resolutions each month!
January's would be to
1. Stop lamenting my love life (or rather, its absence) and instead live with silent confidence that good things will come in His time *ohmmmmm* I've been telling everyone that by the end of the month I will become asexual but jkjk
2. I've been writing down one chapter of Proverbs every day since last week!!! My resolution is to keep it up so that by mid-Feb I would've completed the whole book
3. Erm, submit my masters apps
4. Lose weight??? < idk man life resolution, will prolly be in every month's list
5. nOT let rejections get to me. You is smart, you is kind, you is important (ok maybe not but I will work on it).
6. Finish that little book on depression I bought before xmas (It's called Reasons to be Alive by Matt Haig). About time I start understandin and stop spewing nonsense about things I don't actually know about. I'm 200 pages in and it takes me a while to digest that the things they talk about are real, but if you are like me and cannot understand depression or anxiety I think it's a good place to start.
Speaking of this the past month has been a very novel concoction of making decisions and realising there are still so many things in this world I don't know well enough to have opinions of; realising that if once we dig deep enough there's nothing we can control, and such thoughts have been carrying me through each time I start worrying about my future (not that it helps all the time - I still have my moments of !!!PANIC!!!LIFEISHOPELESS!!!).
This year is going to be gr8910 I can feel it in ma bonesssss. I want to take up pottery and weave carpets, volunteer and become a respectable person (please?).
I already have so many things to look forward to: London in 3 weeks (am fearful bc I don't have my bro), friends visiting in 4 weeks, and then Easter in a little over 7 weeks!!! Spring term is my absolute FAV because we have no exams immediately after Easter break, and I'm always motivated to study because I can go home after. Also Chinese New Year and RISING TEMPS. The weather has been quite good to us though, considering all the reports saying this would be the coldest winter ever. I always underestimate the temp and end up with sweaty pits by the time I reach school.
but before I swim into the depths of TMIness the past 20 odd days have been filled mostly with happy and contentment, and each week passed much quicker than I expected. I am more uncertain about my future than ever, but I am beginning to learn to embrace the unknown as well, which I think might just be life's greatest skill and secret to happiness.