3 September 2016

Got up from bed to type this before the lingering bliss fades off and I decide to crawl into my little hole of self-despair again. Yesterday was one of those days I felt was worthy of being remembered in my Extremely Neglected yellow moleskine but I reached home at 1.30am and my old 21-year-old body just had no energy for that so here I am (but only after sleeping 14 hours today).

So much has happened in this one week; made my way to the land of the Intellectual aka NUS for lunch on Tuesday, finished my presentation, submitted my report and possibly laughed and talked the most I ever have in one day on Friday. For some reason all of this made me feel like the past 10 weeks talking to myself, thinking about my friendships and getting comfortable with eating lunch alone wasn't all for naught; because somewhere along the way the chaos in my heart n head decided to calm itself.

Somewhere along the way I started getting used to the 8.30-6 life and the little conversations I have with my supervisor while waiting for cells to spin down. When I gave my presentation yesterday I glanced around the room and felt so good when I realised people (even the level 3 guys!) were actually listening when they really didn't have to. When the visiting associate professor from Japan told me on the lift on the way back up to level 7 that she learnt a lot from my presentation I promised myself when I grow up I must be as humble as she is. When I submitted my report later in the day I realised I didn't feel as happy as I thought I would be to be leaving.

Somewhere along the way I realised I have learnt so, so much simply being in the company of these people. It doesn't matter that others view Biology as the subject that "everyone can do"; they're not there because it's easy (it's not), they're there because they believe their work can make the world a better place and it has been such a privilege being able to work around people who love what they do.

Those who know me know there's probably no one in this world who worries about her friendships more than Grace but yesterday was reassurance that some things never change, we're all struggling, and whenever any one of us needs a booze date, a booze date will happen. I can't remember the last time I spent such a long time talking about life and love and relationships with a friend but last night I learnt so much. The world has moved too fast for our mere human brains and technology has (in many ways, but not all) taken a toll on our relationships, but thankfully we've all realised that is something we need to fix, and fixing it we are.

Nothing, not even Skype, not augmented nor virtual reality can ever replicate 5 hour talks on a random bench in the middle of nowhere.

And then I ended the day with the most precious people of my life (tho not all of them). It probably took me a whole 10 years to acknowledge Nostalgia to be more of an enemy than a friend, but after last night I found out that Nostalgia and I have a somewhat healthy relationship now. When we were talking about how our greatest concern in primary school was whose group had the most points during Chinese lessons I laughed till I almost suffocated I think, but for some reason I didn't wish to be back in primary school, because the primary school Me didn't know how to cherish any of those things anyway (Nostalgia - 0, Grace - 1). Also the primary school me was damn annoying but that is not the point. We've come far from our 词语手册 days and I don't think there will ever be a day I stop being proud of it.

Wherever we go from here

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