4 June 2016

Ok my previous post was supposed to be some serious post of sorts but it got interrupted by my undergrad office emailing me like 5 working days in advance to give all of us a smack in the face...

w0W first picture (of my own) in like mANy months!!! Just came back from church bbq which I escaped from bc ultra anti-social. Took this photo while walking to my very last tutorial (which was also yesterday) and felt a little emotional especially with all the white flowers having grown out bc it's going to be the very last time I walk down this lil road to the bio department for the year. Now that results are out (very early)(will never stop harping on this) I think I am officially year 3 and the thought of graduating next year/finally entering the real world seems so daunting and er dreadful???

The past acad year has been truly enlightening (for lack of a better word) wrt what I want to do in future but I'm always afraid I get too used to the future I imagine and won't be able to handle it should I fail... God has blessed me way too much through the past 21 years, so much that even my friends admit I'm a lil sheltered because I haven't faced any real problems in my life; there are others who say that's a good thing (duh) but I'm always waiting for the day my life gets turned upside down....

Exactly 12 days and 12 hours until my plane takes off and I'm off back hoooommeeeeee. Studying overseas really cuts your life in two because once I'm home I know I won't be able to fathom how I spent 9 months living a completely different life halfway across the world- home where I don't have to cook or clean, home where walking outside for 20 minutes is... unthinkable because heat, home where I have family and a cat to take care of me (home where I can buy a full meal for £1.50). But still going home and coming back will never be easy because of how different my two lives are.

This birthday was really not special mainly because I didn't want it to be. I never celebrated it much bar a nice family meal (which is all I need) but I found it quite amusing that people around me said they feel bad for me like erm HELLO why do you feel bad for me when I don't feel bad for myself?!?! Ok I admit I cried a little in the morning but it was out of gratitude n not sadness (tho there must have been some sadness n loneliness behind the tears but hey hey ok fine I don't deny). 2nd June wasn't exactly the best day of 2016 but how I spent it was exactly how I wish to spend my next year -- resting (heh), analysing (and enjoying) a paper and (virtually) talking to all those who matter most to me. If I were to choose I'd say 3rd June was a way better day mostly because of my shit driving lesson on my birthday and bc yesterday was the day I had my final lesson + very reassuring tutorial feedback + results which is quite evenTFUL????

Omg I lost my momentum again I can't seem to concentrate on one thing I can't rmb the last time I even watched an entire episode of something without stopping it halfway to go do something else

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