2 August 2015

via tumblr

I'M back

I wasn't intending to come back but I remembered how more than a year ago people asked how and why we still bother blogging and we dug deep into our archives and showed them ~that is why~ so I'm back because tumblr moves too quickly for when I want to look back. ALSO it is too fast and furiously becoming a place too dark and secretive and it is BAD for me emotionally (I feel like I haven't showered in months ie. my emotional hygiene is at an all time low).

Just a smALL update on what my life has been like!!! the past... 1.5 months (oh my god I cannot believe all of you have survived that long not knowing how I've been living ALL!!! 2 OF YOU WHO HAVE VISITED THIS PLACE IN THE Past weEK!!!).

I'm working 2 jobs 2 days sometimes 3 a week (but I usually prefer to leave the latter out when I tell people bc hey no one needs to know) helping out as a locum for a neuroscience research project and occasionally I help facilitate math.. .lessons... for primary school kids. I'm slightly but not really stressed out because last week was the first time I actually took over running tests on the human subjects and all my hair dropped out having to deal with Matlab and worrying (STILL) about whether I screwed up or not.

These days I have way too much free time and so I'm always in this state between being intensely inspired and having negative motivation to do anything. I've just started a Stanford online course for medicine statistics and I am nowhere near done nor do I have the slightest desire to continue because it makes me so sleepy but I have to PROVE!!! to myself I can do it.

A few days back I was reading a book on Charles Darwin's life where he mentioned William Wordsworth and one of his poems that mentioned the human mind and in my little pursuit of all-roundedness I decided hey why not pick up some poetry??? As of this morning I have officially given up because I realised that POEM.. is 500 pages long and so I will satisfy myself with just Charles. Charles is intellectually stimulating enough. But I am a very ambitious person so I am about to enrol myself in this Oxford online course on.................... A Romp Through the Philosophy (omg) of Mind.

All of this was inspired by Charles really and the first like 50 pages of his book I have gone through for showing me science and the arts can never be separate so I would like to dedicate this post to the great mighty Charles Darwin for his intellect and contribution to the world of Biology. May I one day be as brilliant as you.

Also when I was grandly ditched 3 nights ago by the most precious people in my life I plunged into this very scary and dangerous mood I hope to never have again where I could not sleep and stayed up till - actually I cannot even remember if I slept in the end and came up with this (once again) overly ambitious ART PROJECT about my 20th year of life and titled it "Twenty". I am about to start on it LOL.

So what I'm trying to say is I am now a biologist a statistician and philosopher and also an artist and teacher (and aspiring poet) and if you ask me about my progress in this pursuit of all-roundedness I mentioned before I am like doing really well and really bad at the same time because I have started on it all but I honestly... cannot see the end.

Less significant/in-the-past happenings would include our trip to Cambodia where we cycled like infinity km and I got a sunburn that my skin is still...peeling... from, my sisters have come and gone and I am DAMN LONELY ALL THE TIME NOW, USS with Jofo, friends, no friends, sadness, emotions that can only be triggered by tumblr (bad bad place), how "Grace has no friends" is now a well-known fact among my relatives. I haven't had a good sleep in freaking forever and I don't know if I should blame it on the fact that I have just been sleeping too much, my pillow sucks or my brain is too active. Last night I collapsed at midnight and was so happy thinking I would be able to finally sleep until 11 like a pig log but I WOKE. AT. 4.59 AM and was so pissed.

To put it figuratively I feel like a pig (fat round pink) hanging on the edge of a cliff struggling with my fat black hooves to get back up but at the same time I am chained so I know I won't really fall off and die so I am just fat and tired.

Maybe I should try making a watercolour painting of that. That will be my "Twenty".

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