6 August 2015

I could mope or I could go watch show me the money and for the next 24 hours live in an imaginary of swag and hiphop!!! yo

Today I decided to go find my favourite tauhuey shop (I mean I have 2 fav tauhuey shops 1 for taste and 1 for memories and friends) which moved maybe 2 years ago and the internet!!! is a wonderful place because I found it within 5 mins and am considering taking a trip all the way down to Serangoon tomorrow morning just to buy some. I also drew a bit and realised I have only enough talent to draw one thing before my skills run out and I cannot draw anymore. Going!!! to pick up some water colour soon and embark on my little artistic mission.

I'm wondering how I'm supposed to finish all I want to do within the next 1.5 months (sob). I'm now in this mood where I feel deathly afraid of life- work, illness, stress and most of all people. Part of me wants to crawl into a cave with my books and my cat and my computer and stay there forever and never have to deal with another awkward situation again and another part of me just wants to fast forward 10 years so I can skip this awkward phase of mine (which will hopefully be over in 10 years omg pls pls PLEASE).

I've been thinking about thinking which is really damn confusing thinking about and wondering if there is *perfect* amount for people to think. Sometimes I look at the male species and think life must be G R 8 and a whole lot easier to manage because for most of them their emotions are not a rollercoaster, but there must be a reason females are like this- or is there???? Can overthinking be advantageous? Is it a sign of weakness? Insecurity? It's so despicable, I hate it. I think a person who overthinks is hard to love, and I am hard to love. Are happiness and thinking correlated? I would hate to think so. I still think it takes at least a certain amount of thinking (ie self comfort) to be happy.

When are people not ok? If I look around me I can think of a few who might not be ok, but there are some I cannot even imagine not being ok. Will vulnerability ever be celebrated? Should it ever be celebrated??? We all know it's ok to be weak sometimes; that's what social media teaches us all the time, but how many of us embrace vulnerability in real life? I think a vulnerable person is hard to love, and I am hard to love.




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