3 May 2015

Introducing my new life anthem and a tiny tenth of a rainbow I spotted the other day but am struggling to find in my life. Ok it's not like I understand everything in the song but I heard the first 10 secs and felt like it was speaking to me because a few days before the song came out I was just lying bed thinking about how loserish I've been acting, so I googled the lyrics and read the first few lines and laughed very very sadly to myself. 

In short I'm trying very hard to find that silver lining I am always talking about but when I don't make an effort it's so difficult and I'm sick of keeping my feelings in check all the time!!!!! Like I hate feeling pissed and miserable but that's just how I've been feeling all the time this roCKS HAHA

The thought of having to churn out another report after my exams is so daunting I can't stop thinking about it. I have 0 motivation to study anything any more because the sense of accomplishment has just miraculously disappeared and I am about to face the most dreaded week of anyone's life aka the week right before my exams start and I CANNOT AFFORD to feel like this.

The flowers outside are all DEAD (literally) and it feels like the whole school is tensed up and half-dead (just the way I like it)(because it's better to suffer together) and the rain comforts me. When I was standing at the bus stop trying to take a picture of the rainbow I was thinking how it just looks like a fake sun and idk I'm glad I still have these fake suns helping me stand-- like my probable new ambition and the fact that I'm only 33 days away from the company of my family and cat again. 

Too bad all I want now is a thunderstorm

It's all a challenge at managing expectations,

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