I'm on a self-proclaimed holiday and was beginning to question my happiness but this morning I woke at 6 and literally googled "happy like a fool" (I think my search history would be very entertaining) which led me to One Republic and this song has been on replay since.... forever.... so for the past half hour I've been shimmying in my chair and screaming THIS HAS GOTTA BE A GOOD LIFE at the top of my voice. Hope my housemates are still asleep.
It feels funny and unfamiliar though, being this happy over nothing in particular. It's scary too because I feel like when something knocks me over again I won't have anything to lean on and no support to pull myself back up, but part of me trusts I will have the strength to stand up again and I do I can I will.
I think a large part of my happiness comes from me not going to school; it's not school that's bad, I know the problem lies with me. I used to believe I was someone who didn't get stressed out over my studies or pressured by my peers but when I sobbed all the way home after that one tutorial the other day I realised there may be something in me that needs fixing asap so began my school fast (just kidding my school fast and 0 relation to this I'm just a lazy pig who has unfortunately discovered how wonderful recorded lectures are). It's hard to believe and I didn't expect to gain anything but I've learnt some things about myself during this time (things I shall keep to myself bc they are damn judgable HAHA).
Can't wait for our final tutorial on Tuesday to be over and then Blackpool and Belgium Prague Budapest and then studying for exams and then exams and then HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!