9 March 2015

I see and hear so much about what my friends are accomplishing (organising musicals, acting in musicals, simply performing on stage, managing projects etc etc) and wish someday I will achieve something for myself and do something for this world too. I think this is the wake-up call I knew would come so tonight I'm going to let myself feel sad again so I will be motivated.

I really have nothing.

All I have is a truckload of happiness I don't know how to share, maybe peace and love and health but selfish as it seems tonight these things don't seem to be enough for me (is it enough tho? what use is there if i'm feeling it all by myself). Deep down I know I can but there is too much in the way and the platform seems too far, too blurry.

How is it I think I'm better than everyone else but am never good enough for myself?? I want someone to sit by my bed tonight and tell me all the things I'm good at #desperatetimesresultindesperatefantasies #wat #kinda #fantasy #is #this.

I wish someday I achieve something for myself

edit:

awake at 6am to catch up on stats so I don't die during tutorial later but I have no idea how to study for this zz study stamina is negative rn??

Was thinking about marriage and how our prime childbearing years are a mere 5 years away (actually now)(omg i'm 20 soon), how a quarter into our lives we choose someone we want to live with forever, how essentially we only spend this quarter with the families we were born into and the next three with ones we create ourselves. Putting it this way makes it seem so scary, how 40 is considered late for marriage when really marrying at 40 probably means 30-40 years together and to me now that seems almost like a forever. I don't know if I can ever find someone I can love and live with for 60 years??? How do people have the courage to make such a commitment


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