12 February 2015

Took a 3 hour nap and am feeling quite energised but still lost in life...


Durham with Rebecca on Saturday hoho. Finished walking around the city centre in like less than 20 minutes and decided we're quite happy we're in York... HAHA

Me acting cute sorry 

Some random asian food court-ish place where we had our lunch hehe and bandung!!! that did not taste like bandung but once again I shan't ask for too much

Watched the prettiest sunset and then ate dinner at this quaint little basement restaurant where we got CHEATED OF OUR MONEY because they didn't explain things properly and so our bill came up to almost double of what we expected. 

Was very early for our train and so we spent 20 minutes (which doesn't sound very long but it is very long when the temperature was.... low) sitting at the platform complaining about life.

This is me dyeing my hair purple but don't worry it is NOT PURPLE AT ALL in fact it's even blacker than it already was congrats grace (don't really know what I would've done if it really turned purple though not very sure what I'm doing these days)

Ordered pizza and made honey joysssss wheee which turned out VERY GOOD (so good we finished almost all of it in the same night yo10swag

Sunday was much-needed dimsum at Regency (again)(averaging once a fortnight already)(but learning to appreciate it)(used to think the dimsum sucked)(but they do the hargao SO WELL)(and the xlbs are decent)(I think my standards have dropped too much)(but that's a good thing also).

^ Monday when the weather was SO GOOD it was 10deg??? then it dropped to 0 at night

I've been living in a trance I really don't know what is going on with my life. All I've been doing is talking to people who also have no idea what to do with their lives and it's a comfort knowing I'm not the only one. Selfish and sadistic as it sounds I really miss having friends to suffer with...

Talked to a senior on Sunday also and the things he said have been on my mind for the longest time and it's been a battle in my head again. Should I care or not??????????? I don't want to care but I feel like caring is the right thing to do. Or is it??? Can't decide really rly damn annoying. 

On the bright side last night was the first night in a LOONGGG TIME I managed to sleep properly without waking up coughing like a mad man and this stupid cough is finally going away :') HYMS practical on Monday was okay too even though I did all the work bc my beloved partner was my subject and all she had to do was SLEEP........... while I measured her brainwaves. These practicals are so amusingly useless I don't know why we bother. The only reason I go for them is because we get to use our own bodies as subjects so now I know like, a lot about my body. 

I'm slowly slowly slowly catching up on my lectures and have realised recorded lectures are SO MUCH BETTER than going for the lectures themselves I think I might never go for another lecture?? Was feeling quite bad because I really have missed a lot of lectures and workshops in the past 5 weeks but today I finally attended a full day of lessons and OH MY GOD SO USELESS AND BORING AND ALSO ONLY LIKE HALF OF THE CLASS TURNED UP. 

I really like my biomed people tho I think among all the people I've met here they are the most similar to Singaporean students and I think that's a great great blessing for me. but idky my coursemates are super chill and don't really give a shit, and even those who do do it in a way that's not hateful?? Idk how to explain this HAHA but a lot of them are just annoying and a displeasure to my small asian eyes yes I think the next 2.5 years will be okay. 

I can't deny I've been feeling way too pressured for my own good to perform well and it's not working out my results are nowhere near where I want them to be and rn I have no motivation to work harder. I don't even know if this is about being good enough for myself or being good enough for other people anymore... 

Cleaned my room kinda today (tmi coming disclaimer) and I don't think there's anyone in the world who is as gross as me. Finally moved the plastic bag containing all the phlegm I've spat out in the past week (pls have mercy and don't judge me so badly it's hard being sick and alone) and picked all the hair and crumbs off my floor. Also put my bedsheets on after 3 nights of sleeping on a blanket and duvet without its cover. I have a can of cider that's been sitting on my table for like 2 weeks and my juice is expired but I'm not bothering with it anyway. All my plants are dead beyond rescue and turning brown and my bag is filled with sugar from Monday. Today I was sitting butt naked on my toilet floor washing my clothes and had to pause to marvel at this real legit independent college student experience I'm currently living.

Gymmed yesterday and because I haven't totally recovered while I was running there was like snot flying everywhere and I kept coughing on the treadmill the guy beside me (who was at 7km when I finished btw and just didn't stop forever)(I always imagine when people run for too long on the treadmill it's going to overheat and explode) was quite concerned but I am now slightly less congested which is why I think my cough is getting better. I have only like 1 set of exercise clothes tho so this is getting annoying because even when I have the motivation to go I have no clothes. There was one day I ran with my swimming costume inside because I hadn't washed my sports bra LOL OK BYE I'm on a roll man can't stop talking 

I say all these things and act this way and still want to get married I think both of those are mutually exclusive?? 

            O                                      O
grace's way of life        an ideal wife's way of life 

see there is no overlap (that's a venn diagram btw)

think I should stop now

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