16 February 2015

Our valentine's day nasi lemak that didn't really turn out like nasi lemak in the end (needa up my cooking skillz). Stayed till almost midnight at Lydia's place even after she left and talked about singsoc plans (again) and I still find it odd how things turned out.... could be for the better?

I was never one to be bothered by my singleness on vday but this year was (and is) especially lonely. I'm alone most of the time but I hardly feel lonely and loneliness is such a complex feeling??? I can be surrounded by people and feel like I'm the only one in this world at the same time. Idk how to describe it LOL my vocab is pathetic but it's like sadness is a headache and loneliness is a brain tumour. or an external wound vs. a muscle ache???

I'm supposed to be doing my essay and preparing for tomorrow's presentation but I haven't been able to get in the mood to do stuff and so I haven't done a thing today.

I'm torn trying to decide if I should just let go and be me or be the person I think I should be. I don't know who I am nor am I still trying to figure it out but I know I'm doing too much the wrong way-- things I've tried to change but once I let my guard down I'm pushed straight back to square 1 and I don't know if it's worth my energy trying to change anymore.

I hate regret because it's such a useless feeling but I really really really regret now; I'm regretting baring my soul and telling this person all my problems because I feel like they have been downplayed and dismissed too easily. I don't even share my problems easily...? but I think I've found the answer to all the questions I asked a few posts back.

I don't think I'm less; I'm an action potential when it comes to my relationships ok all or nothing LOL bye BYE I'm bring this rant to my notebook

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