9 February 2015

I'm so bothered because I have missed so many lectures and am sTILL not in the mood to go for any lectures, because coughing is tiring and the only good things that have come out of the past week would probably be that I think I have lost some weight and gained some abs from all that coughing.

I haven't had a good night's sleep in AGES (woke up at least every hour last night zz) and it sucks it sucks because I can't get well fast thanks to the dry air and the cold.

I have 0 motivation to do ANYTHING now (probably cos I'm sick and the sun is still setting too early) and whatever determination I had to study my dynamic models and shit is gone forever I don't want to deal with another dynamic model ever.

On a brighter note now I think I know what I want to specialise in and I really really really really hope my dreams are not dashed again pls my heart cannot take it :'(((( I've been so weak and vulnerable physically mentally spiritually I can't count how many times in the past 7 days I just wanted to collapse in a heap on the floor and cry because I want to go home.....

It's quite impressive, how lost I am in life right now.

????? I'm bringing this upon myself really. I haven't seen my coursemates in a thousand years and I've been alone way too much, and I know it won't do to keep thinking about home but I'm ????? AHAHHAAHAH


Still I know that my God is good and this will pass and for all I know this is one battlefield He will turn into a valley of blessings (see grace paying attention during yesterday's sermon tqtq)(is this EVEN WORTHY OF BEING CALLED A BATTLEFIELD). I'm still glad for the little things and that I'm alive and gladdest each time for the words of encouragement from those at home :'))))) It really means so much to me that I haven't been forgotten and it makes my heart swell every time someone tells me he/she wants me back home.

am honestly too too blessed to be stressed I shall keep this in mind

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