18 November 2014

I really should start keeping my emotions in check...

Yesterday I was so filled with intense hate for everything here and I just really really really wanted to go home; almost to the point of tears (in the middle of lecture) and when a friend asked why I didn't just apply to NUS then for a moment I regretted coming here.

...but now I'm so glad I came, and I'm starting to see that not everything has to be fine and dandy for me to grow (in fact the opposite may work better but no thx).

If you've hung out with me recently/talked to me you probably know I don't have any close angmoh friends here. Before I came here I actually hoped I would be the cool one with all the angmoh friends but I guess it just didn't work out this way... and that's fine with me. To each his own right???

I used to (ie. until like 1 hour ago) to use the fact that we grew up in very different environments/have different ideas of fun as excuses not to socialise, but today during practical I was in a group with 3 angmohs (trust me I did not like the idea of this very much HAHAH) and I had so much fun pricking fingers and laughing over abnormally high glucose levels.  (< can't emphasise how good this felt really)

It seems the best things and greatest lessons really do happen when we least expect them to/when I'm not even trying.

I don't know if I should be happy about this haha but for now I'm just thankful I grew up a bit today (life has been incredibly dull and stagnant).

On a darker note I have noticed myself starting to avoid people I really shouldn't be avoiding because I have to see them for the next 3 years. I know it's just me pushing people who try to get close away again because I have no guts to tell the person to back off (so I'm doing the backing off).

For now I don't really want much but to have something to learn from each day (BIO ASIDE AT LEAST I HAVE ENOUGH TO LEARN ABOUT BIO) and I'm finding that extremely difficult atm.


Ok bye I need to sleep because I have a headache from fasting for our practical today sobz



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