8 May 2014

Random bout of emoness missing so many things and missing people missing times when things were special

So scared of going overseas to study and not looking forward to having to adapt and settle down in someplace new

So sad that eventually all of these will be forgotten and xscl doesn't work out

Butterflies in my tummy at the mere thought of being all alone over there................ I don't know I don't know I don't know I really don't know if I can do this (I know I can but I don't know how hard it's gonna be) I used to think I was so independent but now I can't spend a day without my friends and it feels like only a few weeks have passed but it's been almost 6 months since A's ended and it scares me because very soon September will be here and I won't be anymore.

& I really really like how things are and how things were and I don't want to go back to August 2013 when all was bleak and gloomy and the tears wouldn't stop coming but I know there are days in October 2014 I will cry myself to sleep missing all my friends and that's good and I won't even stop myself because it means they still mean something to me but then again lonely is not something I particularly like to feel... and I can't even begin to imagine how bad it will feel when I can't even meet them no matter how much I miss them.............

and when the time comes I know they may be replaced and I will be replaced because that's how life works and when that time comes I won't be as sad but now I'm really really really sad but also really really really happy and I don't know how that could be

Can life just stop for a while just a little bit because I'm not ready

and actually I don't really want to be

how do you even get ready to leave the people you love the most (other than family but family is different because family will never change and family will always be number 1)

Living in each moment but when it's 12:37am it's hard not to start thinking of what will be

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