26 November 2013

embrace

It's been a terribly long time since I posted here... so many things have changed since then (one of them being I AM ALMOST FINISHING MY A LEVELS). I don't know if I should feel happy, sad, relieved or nothing at all but I can't bring myself to believe that I got through 12 years of studying. 

Have 2 papers left but I am erms, not studying and I decided to come here to think about all the things that have happened in the past month or so. I'm not going to bother posting pictures of baccalaureate or whatever because i'm just a lazy pig like that :-) 

Baccalaureate was... how dyou say this... overdramatised? I mean I did it too (also shed a few tears for the people I might never see again because it takes 2 hands to clap) but now that I think back... it's just a reminder that we all have to move on. AC has taught me a lot a lot, more than I ever expected it would. I don't know where on earth I would be now and I can't even begin to imagine how different my life would be. Would I have enjoyed myself? Would I have made friends? Who would I even be???? 

There have been so many times I regretted transferring from Cedar to Anderson but when I think about it... if I hadn't transferred I probably wouldn't have gone to AC either.

Taking this time and my gross obsession with Korean dramas to really start finding out who I really am... so many things I feel ashamed of but these are also the things that have made me who I am today, so I'm gonna start looking around so that I don't ever lose myself again. (does this not make sense to you if it doesn't i'm sorry because i cannot type or think properly when Roy Kim is singing into my ears) 

Also the past 2 years have taught me it's ok for people to change, it's ok for them to leave, it's ok not to be the best, and most of all that everyone is at fault. If I let someone leave it's my fault for not holding on to them tight enough; sometimes even though we don't want them to leave our subconscious tells us it's better to let them. It's ok not to be the best all the time (in fact it's kind of better if you aren't), and it's ok to break down if we want to. 

It's ok to fail, and it's ok to cry. It's ok to make the wrong decisions, and it's ok to fall. It's ok to feel ashamed, and it's ok to embarrass yourself. It's also ok to be happy when you succeed, and it's ok to feel sad when you fail, because what you cry about, what you smile for, what you fall for and what you feel embarrassed about are what makes you who you are. They may not be things you are proud of, but they are things to embrace and learn from. 

I don't feel like typing anymore hehe bye 

Prom (with the best theme ever really woohoo.....) in 9 days!! Bangkok in 4 but I don't know if we still can go with all these riots thingies going on zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz :(((( 

i'm sad now 

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