8 April 2013

Square 1

Had what was probably the most mentally exhausting day worrying about my GP results (and subsequently every single subject)(ok how stupid is this) because every. single. essay I've written this year has only gotten negative comments from Mr. S :-( + he keeps saying I'm not putting in as much effort as I did last year but I know I didn't even do anything for GP last year?? So now I'm lost and confused and I don't know what to do.

I keep trying to tell myself I've tried my best but when we review my essays it's obvious I haven't been putting in my best?? So they say the best is yet to be; it's part comforting knowing there's always room for improvement but there's also the scary part of knowing that the best will never be.

I know by admitting all of this I've already failed myself by not keeping to my goal of not worrying about anything and leaving it all to God but it's so so so so so so difficult. My mind has been so unnecessarily occupied with such stupid thoughts which distract me from... everything. Especially when my friends are training so hard and doing their homework at the same time while I don't even have trainings/practices but I still can't seem to do my homework???

At this point my results (which aren't even THAT good) mean nothing; I'm not even putting enough effort and studying for the right purposes. Really really need to constantly remind myself why I'm studying and my purpose in this world because recently (ie. since the year started) my mind has been so messed up and concentrated on all the wrong things.

Back to square 1 // The path truly is narrow

How to be genuinely humble?

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