I've been reading jaeson ma's blog recently and it's pretty addictive. I never really bothered about this guy.... even after seeing his amazing "365 days of love" videos and this song:
His blog is REALLY inspirational but at the same time it makes you feel sad. Like Olivia once said, it's really sad to see how other people have such strong faith and are walking so closely to God compared to yourself.
I know I haven't been doing QT consistently and stuff. I always pray that I will have the discipline to do so and be more christ-like in my daily life but plainly praying isn't going to get me anywhere if I don't do anything. Obviously... I won't like automatically become a good person the moment I pray. If that were the case the world would be filled with good people (ok maybe not).
I've had these moments before but after a while I just totally forget about them and continue being my annoying self. After every few weeks I always go "ok. I will be nice" but then after that I just totally forget again.
It's REALLY hard to be a nice person. It takes a loooooot. You can't really display your emotions whenever you feel like it and I admit I've been doing that... every friday. Whenever CCA starts my mood just goes BAM and I become a whiny little brat you hates everybody. I really get angry for nothing during CCA.
I always do the close-eyes-count-to-ten thing and it helps, but sometimes I just don't feel like cooling down. Like... uh... you know the feeling when you just feel like making everyone feel as bad as you? Yeah.
I'm going to on the tuao mission trip at the end of the year! hopefully it'll strengthen my faith and let me realise like REALLY realise what a spoilt kid I am. I was quite hesitant about it though, considering I haven't been on any of these. I was considering between china and tuao, but even though in china we have winter and a hotel it doesn't matter? It lies on which one is better for me and the people we are helping I guess.
The preparation is gonna take up pretty much of my time and I'm already.. not very relaxed but I can definitely handle this. God will help me.
On another note, I SHOULDN'T BE STRESSED AT THIS AGE WHY AM I EVEN STRESSED? I am not. I'm starting to think I set my standards too high. I am srsly SO AFRAID of Olvls ok. Actually... not really. but I must make sure I try my best? I don't know like I REALLY need to know I tried my best. like MYYYY best.
like for example even though I studied so much harder than other people for my bio test, after the test I felt like &^&%%^$&%*^&$&%^$$##@@ because I didn't touch much on transport in plants which was pretty much the MAIN TOPIC that was tested.
It was only that topic really that made me fail that test so... uh.
I guess I gave people the impression after my olvl CL oral and LC that I don't really care? but I tried my best for those 2 already so I felt fine. Oral was okay seriously.
Ok grace stop kidding yourself. You know you are looking forward to that A for olvl chinese and if you don't get it you will take ten months to forgive yourself.
I'm really scared I can't get into a JC. Part of me tells me I need to study REALLY hard to get in but another part of me says getting in for me is easy peasy lemon squeezy.
Bible class today was on fasting....
tbh this was one of the only bible classes that I actually listened. A lot of times I just zone out because on sunday mornings I'm really tired. For some reason. I'm always tired on sundays -_-
I was never sure of why people fasted.
ok zzz z time to sleep. my plan to wake up and do work and failed very miserably. TSK I'm always doing this -_-
let me give you an example. of what I'm doing now
"Bio essay...... one question only do during maths lesson. Geog mindmap... do during recess. YAY!"
SEE SEE SEE SEE SEE WHAT I'M DOING. I know it's wrong but I comfort myself with the fact that hey, at least I'm doing my homework.
UGH cannot stand myself seriously.
God bless your week! ♥
I'm going to start this "365 days of being nice and happy".
I could actually start by doing my homework you know. Not that it really has anything to do with being nice and happy but... nvm.